The First Kiss
by Mirime Kisarrastine
Summary: Lenalee is jealous of Allen being kissed. But why? And why is Kanda angry with her for telling him? Kanda/Lenalee or KanLina, with a very small mention of Allen/Road.


**Disclaimer:** D. Gray-Man and everything associated belongs to Hoshino Katsura and I'm way crazier than her so it isn't mine.  
**A/N:** This is my first D. Gray-Man fanfic. I love the Kanda/Lenalee pairing, so I thought, what the heck, I'll write them a fic. This is manga based and takes place directly after the Ark Arc (post 134th Night) but before Levellier came to the Order HQ. Some angst in the middle and sugary fluff at the end. You have been warned.

* * *

Lenalee didn't like disobeying the Matron's orders but she couldn't fall asleep, no matter how much she tried. There was too much on her mind for the moment and she was even slightly afraid of sleeping. If she slept, the dreams might come. So she crept out of the infirmary room she shared with Miranda and set out wandering the corridors.

It was well past midnight and the only people who would be awake at the time were the members of the Science Department. And they would be either doing research on the Ark or on the Akuma plant. So it was safe to say that Lenalee didn't expect to run into anyone. It turned out she was wrong.

Several corridors down from the infirmary, she noticed the familiar tall figure of Kanda. He seemed to be on his own unsanctioned excursion from the sick room and Lenalee grinned a little bit. She knew how much Kanda hated being forced to stay in the infirmary. Given his unnatural healing abilities, he considered himself above the treatment for mere mortals that was offered there.

"Kanda!" she said in a loud whisper. Given the silence around, it wasn't necessary to raise her voice. He turned around and upon seeing her he frowned.

"What are you doing here?"

"Same at you," Lenalee replied teasingly. She fell into step with him and cocked her head to the side to watch him. "Running away from the Matron?"

"Che!" came the expected reply. "It's impossible to get any sleep in the room with those idiots there."

"So, where are you going?"

No answer came and Lenalee sighed at his stubborness.

"Fine, don't tell me. I'll just follow you around and find out anyway."

She had done it before and he knew it. And besides, it wasn't like he minded her company that much. He certainly preferred her over his current roommates.

"The dojo," he muttered. Lenalee nodded.

"Are you going to meditate?"

"Probably."

"Mind if I join you?"

She didn't enjoy meditating that much but she knew it was a good way to deal with some of the stress she had been through recently. It might even calm her enough to make sleeping easier for her.

"If you want," Kanda said off-handedly. As long as she didn't disturb him, he was fine with her presence.

It didn't take long for them to reach the dojo and settle into the required lotus positions. Kanda seemed to start meditating right away but Lenalee had some trouble with clearing her mind. There was a lot of events in the past few days that gnawed at her consciousness and left her unsettled. But it was one thing in particular that bothered her the most and it was the fact that she was bothered by something that had been of relatively little consequence.

The kiss that Allen had received from the Noah Road. Why did it bother her so much? She didn't like Allen that way, did she? No, that was not it. But still, Allen had been kissed. He was fifteen and had already been kissed and here she was, a full year older and still as inexperienced as ever. It... it wasn't fair!

"...isn't fair..." she muttered. Kanda opened his eyes and looked over at her angrily.

"I don't care about what's fair or not. If you can't grasp the basic concept of the meditation and be quiet, then get out!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to say it out loud," Lenalee apologized, flushing slightly.

"Whatever."

A blessed silence descended on the room for full thirty seconds.

"Kanda?"

Tentatively.

"What?"

Angrily.

"Uhm, would it bother you if you saw your friend being kissed by someone you knew but didn't like and then keep thinking it isn't fair that your friend had been kissed and you hadn't?"

The question came out more confusing than Lenalee had meant and it showed in Kanda's expression. His right eyebrow twitched violently and she could hear his teeth grinding together.

"what the hell are you talking about?" he snapped.

Now that she had opened the the subject, she couldn't back out.

"When we were in the Ark and came into the last room, a Noah called Road, whom Allen and I had met back in the Rewinding town, jumped at Allen and kissed him. And I kept thinking about that and I kind of know why it bothers me so much that Allen had been kissed by her but-"

"Shut up," Kanda cut her off angrily. "If you are jealous of the bean sprout, I don't want to know. It's your own business. If anything, you should take it up with him. I'm not interested in your love affairs."

"Love affairs?" Lenalee stared at him. What did he mean by love affairs? Was he implying what she thought he was implying? "Wait, wait, wait. You misunderstood. I'm not jealous of Allen. Well, I am, but not in the way you think."

The level of a confusion in the room was by then so high it would be possible to cut through it and Lenalee realized she had to clarify her thoughts, unless she wanted Kanda to come to a wrong conclusion. Well, he had already come to it but she could still reverse it.

"I'm jealous of Allen because he had already been kissed. I... I didn't want to be the one to kiss him... it's more like... he's the youngest amongst us but he already got to experience something like that... something relatively normal... and I know that as the Exorcists we are not supposed to be thinking about things like kissing or anything like that," it came pouring out of her mouth, all the hurt and anger at the Order that had taken away her childhood and robbed her of a normalcy. "I shouldn't be bothered by the fact my hair was burned but that I'm not able to activate my Innocence anymore. But I can't help it. I want to be normal if only for a moment. I want to find out what it's like... to worry about small things and first kisses, not the fate of the world. I want to dream about what my first kiss should be like, not the death of my friends."

She finished in a low voice, her head bent down, willing herself not to cry. Kanda shifted next to her and she wondered what he would tell her, now that she had burdened him with her worries.

"You're really stupid, you know."

Lenalee winced. That was harsh, even for him. Then again, she might have deserved it. He didn't ask her to tell him all of that. He would probably prefer it if she kept quiet like he had requested of her.

"You have never been like that, caring only about the missions and the Innocence. I don't get why you are starting with it now."

"Kanda?" she asked wonderingly. Was he trying to... comfort her? To tell her it was okay to be so petty?

"Che. You always worry about your friends, that's normal for you. And you are a girl, thinking about.. girly things... is normal as well."

She could just imagine his face screwing up in distaste at the word 'girly' and almost giggled but he wasn't finished yet.

"What isn't normal is that you're telling me. Go talk to someone else about it, to Miranda or Jeryy. I don't want to hear things like that. Especially if they involve the bean sprout."

"Okay," she agreed readily, still surprised by his words. How come his criticisms sometimes made her feel better when nothing else did?

"Fine," he shot back and fell silent as well. Lenalee fidgeted a bit but given his compliance that night, she finally dared to ask.

"Do you ever think about it?"

For a moment, she thought Kanda would get up and toss her out of the dojo with his own hands but he instead gave a resigned sigh.

"What about?"

"Your first kiss. Who would it be with and how." Lenalee felt her face flush. It was a very personal question and if Kanda decided to feel offended by it, she wouldn't blame him.

"No, I don't waste time on frivolous things like that."

Then again, his answer was pretty predictable. Lenalee looked away and ventured a small confession.

"Well, I do sometimes. I don't know how or when but I know who."

"Lenalee, I told you already, I'm not inter-"

It was her turn to interrupt him.

"You got me wrong again. It's not someone concrete. And I told Miranda about it and she got a wrong idea, kind of, so I can't go to her with this. Please, this is the last thing I'll bother you with tonight. I promise."

She looked at him pleadingly. He stared at her, his expression very disturbed. Why was she treating him like he was her best friend? Why was she telling him things like that? Things he didn't want to hear because they made him uncomfortable in more ways than one. Personal things. Then again, she was rather stubborn like that. If she decided to tell him, then she would tell him. It was easier to get it over with right there and then.

"But you're leaving after that," he bargained, for his peace of mind at least.

"Deal."

Meditating was supposed to make her feel better but her talk with Kanda had achieved the same. And Lenalee thought he deserved some peace after what she had heaped on him that night.

"So, he should be strong so he could stand up to Komui if my brother found out."

Rather reasonable, considering the Supervisor's sister complex.

"And he should be a quiet person or at least, he shouldn't be the type to boast about the kiss afterwards. I want it to be a private thing between the two of us."

That meant most of the guys in the Order who fantasized about her on daily basis were out of the running. Most of them would love to lord it over their perceived rivals - the fact that they got to kiss their 'precious' Lenalee. Ugh, disgusting idiots, all of them.

"And, of course, I should like him a lot. He shouldn't be some random acquaintance I don't really know that well. And, I think I would feel better if he was close to my age, maybe somewhat older... a year or two would be ideal. And, that's all, I guess."

"Good. Now that you told me, go search for him and leave me alone."

Kanda knew he was rude. He was downright boorish but Lenalee's insistence that she tell him things like that was annoying. And his own unconscious filtering of the guys who fit her criteria disturbed him a lot.

Lenalee smiled serenely. She could see how annoyed he was with her. But she had pushed him this far, she could risk it a bit more. But not before getting some distance between them, in case he blew his top over it. She stood up and walked to the door.

"when I told Miranda, she thought I was talking about you. That I wanted you to give me my first kiss."

Lenalee opened the door and stepped into the corridor, looking over her shoulder at Kanda's surprised face. Filled with a sudden courage, she spoke up what she had already, sort of, known in her heart.

"And I think she was right."

She closed the door and leaned on it for a moment while her mind caught up with her. Upon realizing just how much she had revealed, how she had practically confessed to Kanda, her knees grew weak. She would have tumbled to the ground, had the door not opened and a familiar hand supported her.

"Are you running away?"

He must have gotten up immediately after she had told him. And if he got up, it meant he wanted to go after her. And if he wanted that... Lenalee turned and smiled at him.

"No. I'm not."

It wasn't perfect, first kisses rarely are. They bumped noses before getting the right angle, their teeth clashed when the kiss was deepened, Lenalee pulled Kanda's hair too tightly and his right hand drifted rather lower than acceptable. And yet... the imperfection was what made that first kiss normal. A kiss that was shared not by two Exorcists but rather two teenagers. And that normalcy made it all the more special.

THE END

**Omake**

In the shadows of the corridor, hidden by prying eyes thanks to a camouflage paint, a lonely golem recorded the happenings in front of the dojo's door. It whirred sadly to itself and flapped its small wings to deliver this most disturbing news to its creator and master - certain Supervisor who went by the name Komui Lee.

It seemed that Komui's decision to have his precious little sister followed in secrecy was the right one, after all. Soon, Kanda Yuu would face the wrath more terrible than that of a Noah. The wrath of a vengeful older brother.

Omake end


End file.
